Help! I Feel Sucidal

An anonymous reader sent me this intriguing mail and with his permission, I decided to throw this open for advice.

I was only 8 years old when I lost my Dad, who was the family soul provider. So things became really tough and left my mum struggling to make ends meet. I remember how every other night, my mum would cry about how her life became empty without my dad and how she had to become the bread winner. We lived in a congested ‘self-contain’ where we depended solely on NEPA for power.  Usually, the heat was always so unbearable at night, so we would sleep without clothes.

As I grew older I became more conscious of my body, so I slept with at least my boxers. Severally, I caught my mum trying to pull off my boxers. She would insist the weather was too hot for me, but I would insist on being fine. She finally ran out of the heat excuse, so one night, she started crying about how I had been like her husband since my dad died, and how she just wanted to cuddle because she had a bad dream that made her miss my dad. I reluctantly cuddle her and that’s how the whole thing started.

That’s how I saw myself sleeping with my mum.

But everything had to change when I got married, I avoided being alone with her for 5 years. I have an amazing wife but we are yet to have kids.

Last month, my Mum’s doctor called saying she was sick. She knew how to draw sympathy to herself so well, that even my wife thought I was a heartless son. So I had no choice but to visit her. On getting to her place, to my greatest surprise, she was in her bedroom waiting provocatively dressed. Then I got mad and decided to leave, which resulted in her crying. She knew just how to get me emotionally sympathetic towards her. I broke down, we both cried and it happened again.

Today, my mum called saying she’s pregnant and the doctor says that abortion is not an option for her because of her age.

Today, I thought of committing suicide, please help me, what do I do?